Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, assess, and regulate one’s own emotions, as well as understand and respond to the emotions of others. Developing strong emotional intelligence in children sets them up for success in life by giving them the tools to communicate effectively, form healthy relationships, cope with challenges, and regulate their own behaviour. This guide will explore practical ways that parents and foster carers can help build emotional intelligence in children.

Defining Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is sometimes called EQ or EI. It encompasses five key competencies:

• Self-awareness – The ability to recognise your own emotions and understand how they affect your thoughts and actions.
• Self-regulation – Managing strong emotions and impulses to avoid uncontrolled reactions.
• Motivation – Finding inner drive and passion to achieve goals.
• Empathy – Recognising and understanding other people’s perspectives and feelings.
• Social skills – Building rapport and maintaining healthy relationships.

Developing these competencies early allows children to thrive in social situations, school and beyond. Though some people are naturally more adept in certain EQ skills, they can all be strengthened through modelling and practice.

Setting an Example

As the saying goes, “Children do as you do, not as you say.” Parents and carers serve as models for emotional intelligence through their own behaviour. When you demonstrate self-awareness by labelling your feelings aloud, self-regulation by staying calm in frustrating situations, motivation in your work and hobbies or empathy through compassion, children implicitly learn these skills from you.

Make an effort to verbalise your thought process in emotional situations so children can follow your lead.

Encouraging Open Communication

Create an open environment where children feel safe expressing themselves. Let them share their feelings without judgment and refrain from dismissing emotions as silly or invalid. Help them put feelings into words by asking questions like “How did that make you feel?” Validate their experiences and help them problem-solve. Children who feel heard are more likely to develop emotional awareness and communicate constructively.

Teaching Emotion Management

Children often need guidance on how to handle “big feelings.” Help them build a toolbox of healthy coping mechanisms like taking deep breaths, counting to ten, squeezing a stress ball or taking a break. Teach them to recognise the physical signs of strong emotions like anger or anxiety and intervene before reactions escalate. Role-play emotional scenarios and appropriate responses. Over time, these techniques will enable better self-regulation.

Practising Empathy

Place yourself in their shoes during conflicts. Ask, “How do you think your brother felt when you took his toy?”

Encourage apologising and making amends when they hurt others. Discuss characters’ perspectives and emotions during story time. Exposure to people from diverse backgrounds also builds understanding.

Purchase Resources

Both parents and carers fostering with an agency like fcascotland.co.uk can invest in resources to build emotional intelligence skills. Foster carers can utilise some of their monthly fostering allowance towards children’s books, games, and art supplies that facilitate emotional learning, while biological parents can set aside a budget for these materials. Even simple household items like play dough or cosy spaces can be used intentionally for emotional development. The resources provide guidance – the time, attention, and engagement of caring adults are what truly build emotional intelligence.

Developing emotional intelligence leads to better communication, self-control, social skills, and relationship-building. While some competencies come more naturally to certain personalities, they can all be strengthened through guidance, modelling, and practice.